I AM EMPLOYED!!! and i have a little crush! and when i say little, i mean.. little -_-.
It's so hard being sad about personal problems without feeling incredibly selfish. Specially on a day like this (9/11), where there's more important things to be sad about. I couldn't eat dinner because I just had this knot in my stomach, and my mom mentioned something about good people in the world and I just exploded and said that it doesnt matter because there's more bad people and no matter how good you are you'll still end up getting fucked over. My dad could tell I was sad and tried to get it out of me but I just started mixing world problems with my own and generalized an idea of people. Of course, I can't do this without feeling terrible, because my mom tries to tell me everything I already know, how I should just appreciate everything, and that there really are a lot of good people in the world but the attention is mainly focused on the bad people. With all this in mind, I still can't come up with why I'm so depressed and confused and why I'm still feeling this way, and no matter what people tell me, I still haven't heard wiser words to make me feel otherwise. I think I have some sort of mental disorder, and I can't fucking believe this because all this time I've told myself that feelings like this don't exist and are just what people want to feel like. But I think I might have been wrong. And I probably still am. Everything is coming to me at once and I hate to admit that I'm too weak to stand it all. Good night, and rest in peace all those who died today 5 years ago.
OKAY OKAY so i think this is gonna be my last post before i go to spain.
im sure ill update from there but this is my last Miami post.
IF YOU WANT A POSTCARD FROM ME, EMAIL ME YOUR ADDRESS AT AMARCHY@GMAIL.COM.
and if you just want to recieve love emails from me, just email me so that way i have your email saved and that way i can email you.
IM SO EXCITED!